There comes
a time in life when the red mist descends.
To those happy souls who have no idea what this is, I will explain. It is an uncontrollable rage that bubbles up
within your very being, making you take leave of your senses and howl, shriek,
shout or scream uncontrollably. It is
usually triggered by circumstances or people’s behaviour.
It strikes
anyone – the drunken young man in the pub who has just had his pint spilt, the
meek housewife who has found letters from her husband’s lover in his trouser
pocket, the teenager who has been refused another night out , and the toddler
who can’t have a third lolly. We’ve
either seen it or read about it. And the
weird thing about the red mist, it blankets your mind such, that once it has
cleared, (and it does very quickly, leaving behind a shaking body in fight or
flight mode), you rarely remember exactly everything that you said or shouted,
but are left with this overriding feeling that you have fought for what you
truly believed in at the time, and that therefore it is justified. I’m not saying that a crime of passion is justification for the crime, but it is a reason for the action.
And why
does the red mist descend on some people and not on others? What makes one persons’ spilt pint a
potential motive for murder, and another ones’ an opportunity to accept an apology
and a new drinking buddy? What makes
one cuckolded female go round to the mistress’s house and attempt to scratch
out her eyes, whilst another is content with stabbing holes in her partner’s
suits and scratching his car?
Can it be
that in this day and age, with technology giving us all the information, wanted
and unwanted, necessary or unnecessary, pleasant or unpleasant at the push of a
button, that we are simply getting a sensory overload, and our mind short
circuits, making our stress levels rise and our reactions to situations become
extreme.
There is no
doubt that stress on the mind and body plays a huge part in the anger that we
all carry around with us. The prescription
of antidepressants in the UK continues to go up, reaching 1 in 6 adults in some
parts of the country, and at its lowest in areas where there are proper therapy
treatments available – i.e. regular contact with someone who can talk through
any mounting problems before it builds into a red mist moment. Holistic
exercise classes such as Yoga and Pilates have never been so popular, full of
people wanting to empty their minds as well as tone their bodies. The popularity of walking, hiking and outdoor
sports ensure that endorphins combat negative feelings. And there are hundreds
of self help books out there – all vying for the key to a peace of mind.
As a mum to
teenagers who are in the midst of exam fever, I have long been conscious of the
red mist. Coupled with the hormonal changes coursing through their bodies,
teenagers are extremely vulnerable, and it is a source of worry to all us mums
who hear what stupid things they or other kids have been up to. It doesn’t matter that we did equally as
stupid things, because it is a different world out there. Drunken partying was not instantly relayed around
the world on social media in a matter of minutes, to remain for a lifetime of
employers and employees to discover.
Porn was not easily accessible. ‘Duck
Face’ was a character in a jolly British film.
The school bully couldn’t access you at home. And bikini shots were
saved for the beach.
In this highly
volatile world where there is so much pressure to conform, and so much
uncertainty in the future, our teenagers need us now more than ever to provide
a stable base in which they can vent in safety, knowing that anything they say
will not be used in evidence against them, but will be used, once they subside
shaking on to the sofa, to illustrate the points of tension, and how best to
move on.
My car has
a feature called ‘Ambient Lighting’.
This enables you to change the colour of the internal lights. There are five choices. Perhaps we can’t change the kids, or even the
world, one family at a time. But perhaps
we can change the ferocity of the red mist.
Maybe to a topaz blue, or a cool white.
One button at a time…
