Showing posts with label Miranda Hart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miranda Hart. Show all posts

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Book Worm


I love nothing better than a good read, and have found the invention of the Kindle to be a godsend to me.  It means that in the many activities to which I ferry my kids, I can sling the Kindle into my handbag, where it rattles around happily with the plasters, sachets of Calpol, odd bits of loose change, a crumpled but clean tissue, several very sticky Chupa Chups lollies, a biro without a lid and a lipgloss.  Out of this little haven it emerges, at every possible moment – you know, the times you find that the most annoyingly competitive mummy has set up her chair next to you at cricket training, or when it is bucketing down with rain and you are in the car watching your child sloshing around unhappily at football training or when you have just half an hour of dance to wait for and so you are sitting in the corner of the room unobtrusively.  Often I wish I could take it out during the actual matches, but that simply wouldn’t be cricket (or football, or rugby… you get the gist). 

But it is amazing how much you can read, when you put your mind to it, and because I dabble in writing, it is one of the most common questions that I get asked ‘What’s a good book to read?’ ‘What’s your recommendation for a holiday/plane/recovery from operation book?’  Bearing this in mind, I have decided to write a couple of bi-monthly reviewlets (I’ve coined this phrase as I would hate for them to be seen as pukka reviews, but merely my take on the books, and not to be used against me…) These books have not been forced on me by the authors, nor have they been given to me, merely selected by me from the smorgasbord on offer at Amazon.  I find it extremely difficult to abandon a read – but on the odd occasion it has had to be done, and if it happens from henceforth, I will be honest and tell you why…

The Book Thief by Marcus Zuzak



Set in World War II Germany, it is a moving story of an orphaned German girl who goes to live with a foster family, whose grown up kids have moved out of home.  I found it initially very difficult to get in to, and this was probably because I started it at the beginning of the Easter holidays and was dipping in and out of it.  This is not a dipping in and out of book.  The storyline is fairly dark, with some hilarious childhood moments – a bit like Anne Frank meets The Railway Children.  I was probably 20 or 30 pages into it before I was totally hooked.  And you can see why it has been snapped up by Hollywood and is already into Oscars territory.  It is written in a concise and matter of fact way, but every sentence is carefully positioned and well thought out – from the pale seemingly insignificant characters like the Mayors wife to the supposed cruelty of the foster mother, the vindictiveness of the Hitler Youth and the gentle passiveness of a hideaway Jew. Events unfurl, and as a reader you are powerless to stop it, and the narrator, who is Death, jumps tantalizingly back and forward over timelines, pulling you unwillingly with him as you desperately hang on for dear life (no pun intended). The children grow, people die, villages are raised to the ground, and yet there is the human capacity for hope that makes you switch off the Kindle at the end with tears rolling cathartically down your cheeks.  Absolutely highly recommended – although possibly not for a plane read unless it’s long haul and you can blame your puffy eyes on the travelling…

The P45 Diaries by Ben Hatch 

Totally different in terms of style, but a great read nevertheless.  This is from the view of a laconic and slightly annoying 18 year old male who floats in and out of jobs, trying to find and justify his way in life.  I say slightly annoying because there is a part of me that is like his frustrated and recently widowed, heavily drinking father that wants to simply shake him and tell him to get his s*** together.  But it is only at that point that our antihero (rather like a wannabe Citizen Smith he rants against society) becomes more human, he falls in love, and we realise that actually he is still coping with his grief, and that of his family, for his deceased mother - with whom, it turns out through his diaries, he has a poignant and close relationship. There is a very real and touching affiliation with his young brother whose struggle to come to terms with the changes in his family is reflected in moments of OCD.

Rather weirdly, I’ve actually done (and walked from) some of the dead end jobs that he dips in and out of – the Ad Sales Company, the Financial Sales Company, all replete with mantras and office characters.  So true and so funny.  And a priceless bit involving a trouser press. There are elements that made me think of my own childhood, but knowing teenagers now as I do from a mum's perspective, there was a distinct lack of use of mobiles and social media, which was a little at odds with the present setting. That not withstanding, this book is riddled intelligently with elements of both old and new -Death of a Salesman, Catcher in the Rye, Bread, The Inbetweeners and Miranda.  It makes for both laughter and tears in equal force. It is a romping read and a great book for your holiday!  Highly recommended.

Next time I will be reviewing The Expats by Chris Pavone and another (suggestions welcome).

Please feel free to comment!





Wednesday, 19 March 2014

Ooh Doctor

I don’t know about you, but I come over all Miranda Hart whenever I go to see anyone medical.  It could be a nurse, it could be a doctor, or on occasions it could be a consultant – regardless of who it is, the metamorphosis begins as soon as I step in the door.  First of all, I start to feel a little hot, and then I crack the one liners – you know, you’re lying there legs akimbo whilst an uninterested nurse rustles behind the curtain to show that she is ‘chaperoning’ and the male doctor attempts to shove a metal speculum into your firmly clamped lady bits in an attempt to get a smear- and rather than the ‘ooh it’s cold’ and giggle slightly self conciously type of reaction that everyone else has, I say ‘I hope to God it doesn’t start to buzz’ and then giggle slightly maniacally.  I know… It gets worse.  Having clambered off the bed, I inform both of my startled companions that I have put my Granny pants on especially for the occasion.  Note I said my Granny pants, not my Grannies pants (that would just be weird).

I am absolutely fine when it comes to the kids being ill, in fact I excel at being the efficient, well informed mother, often trying to point the professional in the right direction, the boys dying of embarrassment. As a result, unless a leg is physically hanging off, my boys would rather not go to the doctor… 

I like to think that whatever medical journey I go on, my little attacks of Mirandaisms spread a little joy in the establishments that I visit. And it is a bit contagious.  A number of years ago I had what is known in the genteel surroundings of Surrey as a ‘little op down below’, and to the rest of us, ‘a hysterectomy’, due to a condition called adenomyosis.  My consultant was a small Welsh man, with the intense attitude synonymous with all consultants and lawyers that I have ever met.  On the post op examination, we got over the whole embarrassment of the internal investigation (I will leave it to your imagination what I came out with once he lubricated his hands with a huge pot of petroleum jelly) and  he pronounced me fit and well, and looked up at me from between my legs with a smile and said ‘Yes, all looks great, people pay good money to look that good in Hollywood’. And then I was dismissed, open mouthed.

Likewise, when G was struck down with what turned out to be gallstones, I gallantly offered to take him to the doctor’s surgery so that she could check him out.  Of course, he is registered at a different place to mine and the kids, mainly due to the fact that he has lived in this area all of his life and never changed it.  So it was with interest that on the 3rd of January this year I sat on a seat in a doctors waiting room, and was the only well person doing so.  G huffed and puffed beside me, with the agony that comes with protracted labour, and moaning softly at intervals.  Old ladies greeted each other with ‘How was your Christmas?’, seated old men nodded at each other over  their walking sticks and hassled mummies rocked buggies of red faced screaming kids.  It was all very interesting.  A rather large lady entered the waiting room – obviously a bit of a local surgery celebrity, several voices raised to greet her. One lady, dressed head to toe in lilac shouted across the room ‘How’s your vagina?’  I started to get that familiar hot feeling under my collar as I stared at the large lady. 

‘Not too bad, not too bad’, she answered gallantly as she slowly made her way over to her concerned friend.  ‘Playing up a bit, and it was really bad over Christmas – spent most of it laid up in bed’.  I looked around wildly – there was no reaction in the surgery.  Perhaps they were all deaf.  I stared…
G dug me in the ribs and hissed, ‘What are you looking at?’  I whispered back.  He looked at me incredulously, his pain momentarily forgotten.

 ‘Angina, she said Angina’… I began to snicker in relief as everyone stared at me.

This week I had to go and see a consultant about a dodgy Achilles tendon that renders me lame at certain points of the day.  I was determined not to embarrass myself.  I turned up early, filled in the form, and sat waiting.  I was called in.  The consultant was looking at my notes, and bade me to sit down. 

Immediately I started.
 ‘Ooh, am I in the naughty chair then?’ He glanced at me.

‘No, it is so that I can examine your foot…’

He was actually a very nice chap, and he diagnosed what was wrong, and said that he would arrange for me to have a scan and what not.  He was treating me like an equal, and I felt quite adult and in control. After then telling me what he was recommending, he then said that he would get it actioned asap, and began to write.  What I should have done was put my shoes on and sat there politely until I was dismissed.  What I actually did was engage in a final conversation.

Without thinking, I said, ‘Oh, so you’re not left handed?!’ No, I don’t know why I said that either. But he looked up surprised, and queried why I would say that.  You know when you start something and you don’t know why you started it and then you start trying to justify why you said the thing that you didn’t know you were going to say until you did?  (Or is it just me?)

Needless to say, he seemed confused. And I seemed to have got over my lameness as I limp-ran out to the car.

It’s probably just me and Miranda, isn’t it?

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